Missing Truths
by Dark Lady of Slytherin
Summary: A journal from Harry, sends the wizarding world into a frenzy. What happens when what one once believed turns out only to be your worst nightmare?
1. The Last Entry

They say that writing down your thoughts and feelings is supposed to help heal the soul faster than time itself. I don't know why I had thought that it might help then, but now I'm not so sure. In the mass of old objects once used and broken by Dudley, I found the old school book I now use as a journal. I began then, as soon as I found a pen, to write down the hurt feelings, the pain, in hopes of finding peace and serenity. It never came. I had written then, how I longed to see my parents with me, to know they would always be there for me. That was then, now I know I have seen more than any other sixteen-year-old boy should. I know that my parents loved me, but the love I have for them won't bring them back from the dead. I'm alone, truly alone now.  
I know I have Hermione and Ron, but they don't understand the truth of being alone, even in a house filled with 'family'. Hermione has her parents, willing to take her on vacations, to do whatever she might want to do. A trip to the mall, or the zoo, anything that would make her happy; I'd be lucky to see the zoo again. Ron has a great family, Mr. And Mrs. Weasley do the best they can for him and his siblings. They may not have a lot of money, or the respect from other witches and wizards; but they have love and admiration for each other (even if Percy has been a prat). I'd be lucky to be questioned on how my day was. I'm not acknowledged as being alive, or part of the only family I have left. I know that the Weasleys would accept me into their home and part of their family, but I could not ask that of them. Another mouth to feed? I couldn't do that to them, as much as I know they would.  
What caused me to pick up that dusty old journal, the pages slowly falling from the seam, the cover fraying with use? I'm not sure, what I know is that I haven't written in many years. The last entry was just before my eleventh birthday, telling of how I was sure to be forgotten again. That was the best birthday present I could have had; someone that acknowledged my existence, someone to be there for me if I needed to talk. I don't know if Hagrid understood what he had done for me, or what Professor Dumbledore had done by continuing to pursue my attendance at Hogwarts. They gave me the chance to feel accepted by others. Even then, I was accepted for something I had no memory of. It wasn't enough to be accepted as The-Boy-Who-Lived, I wanted more. I wanted to be accepted as Harry Potter, just a normal wizard like everyone else.  
Was it too much to ask? Sometimes I think it was. I know that Ron and Hermione now see me as Just Harry, but then? I'm sure then, I was 'OH MY! It's Him! It's Harry Potter' to them. Sure I was astounded by the sudden attention, even a little afraid of it. I was forced to get used to something I never experienced in my whole life. That was, until I met Professor Snape, he amongst all the other Professors, had managed to treat me, with what seemed like little to no respect. Now I think back on the times he yelled at me, all the times when he made me feel like a fool, he was in his own way, getting me to strive to the best that I could be. He had in the first class pushed the notion (one I hated) out of my head. His eerie tone, his cold demeanor, had at the time made me angry. But the meaning behind the way he had said it, made me realize (not right away) that not everyone wanted to see me as a Hero. That in a sense, I wasn't. I was just the lucky baby who survived a dreadful accident. Maybe that's just how I want to see him now, as much as I hate him still, I believe that he was of some help (even if I still can't make a potion to save my life).  
What do I have to claim as my own? I can't call getting the Seeker position on the Gryffindor Quidditch team my own. In any sense I have to thank Malfoy for that. If he had not of taken Neville's Rememberall, I would never have flown after him to gain it back. I would never have caught it just before Professor McGonagall's window, and she would not have asked me to play Seeker. My achievements in saving the school? No I can't even take all the credit for that. Hermione and Ron had always been there to help, as were others. Professor Dumbledore had told me, in his own way how to work the Mirror of Erised. I had Hermione to thank for the information on how to find the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets. During the TriWizard Tournament, I had only my flying skills to help me. Dobby, Hermione, and Ron had helped me through the other challenges. So what do I really have to call my own? A few books, a broom, a few robes, a few friends, but what does that add up to? I have nothing to look forward to returning home every summer, no family to welcome me back. And whom do I have to thank for that? Voldemort that's who. He took everyone, one by one from me.  
Since the end of last year, I have spent many hours alone outside in the gardens weeding. Not because I was (believe it or not) forced to, but because it was one of the few places, I truly felt like I could think. I had and still do, have a lot to think about; a Prophecy that could claim my life, friends that could be in potential danger, and schooling; that's a lot for a sixteen-year-old. Why did it come down to Neville or I? It could have easily have been two other children, but it wasn't, and now I am the one, the chosen one by Voldemort, that in the end, has to kill him. Sixteen- years-old, and I have to think about murdering someone.  
Some of you, who will read this, or have it read to you will not have known what had transpired in the Shrieking Shack back in my third year. I had the chance, to end this all. I could have ended Peter Pettrigrew's life for his betrayal against my family. I didn't. I chose to allow him to live, I stopped Sirius and Remus from taking his life. Why? I don't know anymore. If he had have died, if I had of allowed them to kill him, none of this would have happened. Sirius would still be alive, and Voldemort would still be dead. So was I in the right for saving Peter from death? Yet, here I am, being asked to kill the Dark Lord Voldemort because I have no other choice. But I do have another choice, not to fight. To leave, and not look back. What good would it do to remain here, to kill or be killed? If I failed what then? The Wizarding World would be right back to where it began. So if I left, I'd be known as a coward. If I stayed and failed, I'd be known as 'The-Boy-Who-Failed-the-Wizarding-World' what's the point? Leaving as a coward seems like a much better idea than dying and still being known as a failure.  
I'd loose my friends either way. If I survived, it would only drive another wedge between Ron and I. Our friendship has through the 5 years that we've known each other, had many ups and downs. He would become jealous of me for the attention I gained. He would become so angry that we would stop talking to each other. In the end, we would forgive one another and start talking again. What Ron didn't know was that as much as he was jealous of me, I was jealous of him. He had the one thing I wanted most. The one thing I would give anything to have back. He had the family; I had the fame. If I could, I would switch places for one day with Ron, allow him to understand what it is truly like to be a 'Hero'. Perhaps then he would understand. Or maybe if he knew of what I must do, he might forget the jealousy he has for me.  
In the end the only thing I could ever want more than life itself, would be to have my mum and dad back. To know I didn't have to be alone anymore. To know I wouldn't have to be alone when it came time to kill Voldemort. But then again, it all comes down to whether or not I can kill at all. It would be a waste of time to have my parents back again, if in the end they died anyway because I had failed. Bellatrix Lestrange told me last year in the Department of Mysteries, that 'You have to want to cause pain for the unforgivable curses to work.' So in the end, I have to want to kill Voldemort to actually kill him. I'm not the type of person to want to kill anyone. I don't think people understand that at all anymore.  
I have stated myself I hope, thoroughly in this, my last entry. I don't know what else to say. To ask for forgiveness, to telling you over and over that nothing you could have said or done would change the fact that I have made up my mind. In this, I hope you find the truths of a boy who is fed up with watching people die. Mum, Dad, Cedric, Sirius, how many more people have to die before all this ends? How much more do I have to be put through before I am allowed to be normal? I'll never be normal. Not now, not ever. It's too late to be normal, at least here. Hogwarts is my home, the one place I feel comfortable. I just can't return there, not right now. I hope you'll understand that in my leaving, I have done the only thing I could think of.  
I send my love to Hermione, Ron and the Weasley Family, and all those I'm leaving behind. So I say my final goodbyes and leave you to your world.  
Harry James Potter 


	2. Hermione's Thoughts

Darkness crept over their world. One by one they fell into chaos. Without Harry Potter around to save the day, the people began to loose hope. What could a boy, now 20 do to save the Wizarding World when he had spent the last four years running from it? What hope could he possibly bring back to a failing people? How could he help them, when he so very much abandoned them? These are the questions we ask ourselves. But most of all we wonder where he went.

Did he really commit suicide like his journal suggested? Or did he simply disappear from our knowledge, senses, and our thoughts? I cannot believe the boy I once knew would do that, not to us. Not to the only family he had. How he would turn his back on us, leaving us in the shadows of doubt and disbelief doesn't seem like something some thing he would do. The constant knowledge that he's somewhere out there, not sending word really hurts. I wish he would return to us, to let us know the truth. A little sign wouldn't be too much to ask for.

I've missed him, more than I let on. I don't want to upset anyone. He and I were close once, but I don't imagine it would be the same now as it was then. I don't think I could trust him as I once did. The pain I feel knowing he is out there, is more than I want anyone to ever know. If only he were here, if only he knew how I feel knowing he's hiding. People think I'm crazy, making up these tales that he's hiding off in some remote location of the United States, or down in Brazil, but I know he's there. I know he's not dead. I won't believe it. I won't believe that my best friend would take his own life. I won't believe he would forget about the friendships he made while we were at Hogwarts. He would never do that to us. Ron and I, we would never let anything happen to him. 

The worst thing about his leaving was the lack of though he gave to his friends. They had always been there for him; they would be there for him always. I would always be there for him. No matter what was going on, no matter how much trouble he had got himself into. He would always be the one I would help out. I helped him right up to our fifth year; right up until he disappeared, and soon, I am sure he'll see the truth and ask for that help again. He'll come back; I know he will. Harry will come back to us, to me.

The ramblings of a woman who has waited for four years hoping he would return. Ron pushed me away when Harry left. We weren't the famous trio anymore. We were nothing without Harry. Ron became angry. Vengeful. He wanted answers, answers no one could give him. He turned to the one thing he thought of. Alcohol, the demons of mankind! He became a drunk. He would show up to class hung over, beg for help before our finals, and then, he would manage a passing grade. I believe the Professors took pity on us. They showed us mercy when it came to homework, assignments, and exams. They knew we were suffering, Ron showing it more than I. I turned to the books, my only salvation now. My thirst for knowledge only brought me closer to my own death.

The wound he dug into me the day he left, has never fully healed. It will never fully heal until I feel him in my arms again. Until I can touch the flesh on his cheeks, see the black mass of messy locks, and those emerald eyes that bore deep into your soul. The tears I cry at night no longer fall. No longer will I cry for the man who stole away the last four years of my life. No longer will I remain the absent woman. I will take up a life that will push Harry Potter out of my mind, and life forever. 

I had taken a job at Hogwarts, a way of keeping close to the resistance against Voldemort. I had to do something. So many people, so many of the friends I had once had, were falling into darkness. They were dying and there was nothing we could do about it. I had tried to keep them safe, I had tried to protect them like he had, but I wasn't him. I wasn't Harry. I couldn't do the same things he could. Sure I had the knowledge, but he had the courage to face Voldemort. The job at Hogwarts brought me a little bit of peace. I had to help in any way I could. 

It was weird now, wandering the halls at night, remembering the times when Harry, Ron and I would sneak out of the Common Room. Now I was the one wandering the halls, and giving detentions and taking points from the students. I can still remember the night we snuck off to the third floor. Ron playing his chess match, Harry going off to beat Professor Quirrell, and I was left to find Professor Dumbledore after that. I was of help, every year after as well. Giving subtle hints here and there. They would have been fine without me, but they were friends, and friends stuck together no matter what. I only wish Harry understood that.

To this very day, I can't imagine what I would say to Harry if he ever returned. I can only hope that when the day comes, we can see past our differences and become friends once again. Whenever that day comes, I hope we can remember our past and look forward to our future. The truth is, I've loved him since I can remember. I've loved him for what he is. My best friend, my soul mate, the only man I ever want to be with. I know this now, now that I am truly alone. I had once been confused, between him and Ron. Who was I to pick? They were both my best friends, and now they have both left me. When Ron left it was different, we could have turned to each other for support, but he turned away from me. I knew then, that my heart would always long for Harry.

The knock had come only too soon for my likings. The summer was the only time I hated most. When there was no work for me to be doing, I began to think, think about what could have been if he remained. When I opened the door, I stood still, suddenly I felt like the life had been sucked out of me, and I knew nothing more of what was going on. The picture is still clear in my mind. He held his arms out to me, kissed my cheek and smiled. There were no words that needed to be spoken, not then. I knew he was back, for good I couldn't tell, but he was back for a while and that's all that really mattered.

I began to pray that moment, to hope that this was not another dream, that Harry Potter was not just a figment of my imagination. I couldn't bear to loose him again after he had just returned to me. I wanted to scream, to shout, to hurt him as much as he hurt me, but no words came, only tears. Tears I had hoped never to shed again. He whispered softly into my ears, telling me everything was going to be all right, that he wasn't leaving again. I fell asleep in his arms, and when I woke, he was still there. That's when I let him have it. He wasn't about to get off for leaving us.

"Hermione please," He said quietly, weariness in his eyes. I had never seen him look so tired, but there was something else there. Something I had never seen before. I had known him to hide his emotions, and hide them well, but this time, he wasn't doing a good job at hiding them. "Listen to me for a moment. Let me explain."

"Just tell me where you were?" I had asked, just wanting to know the truth; to know that he had been all right for the last four years. He just stared at me, tears glistening in his eyes. Something had happened to hurt him as much as he hurt me.

"I went to Mexico. I had been there for the last four years. There was a school there that said they would accept me so I could finish my schooling. I remained there for another two years, teaching. Hoping to give them some hope against the darkness that was taking over. There are far worse things in this world of ours than Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Far worse things." He trailed off. "I began to worry. Worry about the school, worry about Maria. I knew danger was coming, and I knew I couldn't stop it. I returned home, I could hear Elvira screaming. I knew I had come to late. I knew I had lost Maria. Elvira lay across her mother's chest screaming for her to wake up. Whatever killed her, wanted something."

"Harry? Who is Elvira?" I questioned him, hoping for some truth to come out. I needed to know. I needed to know if he had any feelings for me at all.

"Maria was my wife. We married soon after we finished school. Elvira is two now. She's with her nanny at the Leaky Cauldron. I needed to come see you before I went to see Dumbledore. I wanted to know you were alright." Harry stated, tears in his eyes.

I wrapped my arms around him and let him cry. It was all I could do for him now. I wanted to help him in any way I could. Maria must have been a wonderful woman to get Harry Potter to open up to her. I would always envy the woman who took his heart. But there were larger things to worry about. There was a child to think about, and a new darkness to defeat along side that of Voldemort. I can only hope that the two did not come together in a unison of evil. If that were the case, I fear we will never win this war. That all that is good in this world will come to an end.

"Harry, whatever comes of this new evil you have found in Mexico, I'll always be here for you." I had hoped that it would ease his troubles, but I could see clearly in his eyes that it had not. He would always be the same stubborn boy I had known back then. The one that would refuse to let me help; the one that would rather walk blindly into danger than risk any harm to his friends. I knew that he wasn't about to loose his best friend like he had his wife. The only thing he didn't count on was my not giving him much of a choice. 

Friends were meant to stick together. We were meant to help each other no matter what. I plan on sticking by his side no matter what. Not because he is my best friend, but because I love him more than life it self. I will see that he and his daughter live happily ever after. I will see that I am there to watch them grow, and that Ron will return to the both of us. Harry will have difficulties getting back in Ron's good graces, but I am sure the two could come to some sort of an agreement. Four years does change a person. To what degree, we can only hope to find out in the time that has now been granted to us.


	3. Returning

Life was harder than anyone ever explained. No one could tell you what the future held, but they certainly tried to turn you into what they wanted most. Whether they noticed it or not, children grow into adults and become what they've always wanted, showing no care to what they were taught. The pain will linger of a past that has been forgotten, but that will not stop them from living in the present, in a life they love more than the past could have ever done for them. New lives are created and the cycle begins anew, unless something stands in the way.  
  
Today had been the first time since Maria past away that I had felt something inside me. It was hard to know that everything in the past had forced me to leave the one place I called home. Hogwarts was always my home, but I had made Mexico my new home, forgetting about the torment and pain that had been etched into my very soul. Maria had helped me see past the fact that I wasn't just some icon to be indorsed, but that I was still human. That I still needed love and nourishing. She gave me that and more; all I want is my wife back, and those who took her from me to suffer. I returned for that exact reason. I only hope that Albus will understand.  
  
Hermione had accepted the truth for what it was, and knew I was suffering. She had been there while I cried, and she had known that I was not leaving. Something in her eyes told me that she wasn't going to let me leave even if I had wanted to. There was still much I had to deal with, and I had no idea who could help me. I had to take care of my daughter; she was my first priority, Elvira. My baby. My life from here on in.  
  
"Harry?" I looked over at Hermione as she held herself with the same poise she had when we were in school. She hadn't changed much. She was smarter than I could ever wish to be, and beautiful too. Her hair had grown out and was now currently braided down her back. "If you're ready, lets go get Elvira and head to Hogwarts. I've sent word to Albus, to let him know I'm coming."  
  
Nodding, I joined her at the door. I was nervous, more than I had been when I was told I was a famous wizard. But I'm nothing more than a normal wizard now. I had continued to get my daily prophet after I left Hogwarts. It was away to keep an old connection still alive, even if I wanted it to die. I had learned through the paper that people were loosing hope in me, which was great. If they could survive without me, then I had nothing to worry about. I was just thankful that I had something to come back to. I mean, I love Hogwarts with everything that I am. And so, it was hard leaving, now that I'm back, I never want to leave again.  
  
We apparated to Diagon Alley and entered the Leaky Cauldron. Elvira was sitting at the table in her nanny's arms when we walked in. She had looked up as the door opened and found us standing there. She smiled a wide bright grin at the two of us and scurried out of Nina's arms. Her blond black hair fell into her face as she buried her head in my legs. I loved my baby. Picking her up, I wiped away the tears from her sun-kissed skin.  
  
"Papa," she cooed in her sweet Spanish accent. I turned to look at Hermione. "Papá malo." She looked up at me with the same scowl that her mother used to look at me with when I was late coming home.  
  
"Elvira malo!" I replied as she looked up at me with shock filled eyes as I laughed. "Elvira is a good girl. Papá just making fun. This is my friend Hermione." I introduced Hermione to my daughter, but she didn't seemed to happy with meeting another woman.  
  
"Mr. Potter." I looked up at Nina as several people turned to look at me standing there. "Miss Elvira needs her nap. I will put her down for you."  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Nina, you and Elvira will come to Hogwarts with Hermione and I. We have much to discuss with Albus Dumbledore. You remember my telling you about him correct?" I stated as I watched people crowding around us. "I am sorry to disturb your stays here, but I have business to take care of, and haven't much time to get it done."  
  
The whispers started again, as they had when I was a first year coming to Diagon Alley for the first time. This time they were harsher, but I didn't care much. I had to get to Hogwarts to speak with Albus, before things turned chaotic and I couldn't find the time to let my former mentor know I was back. We turned to leave and apparated to Hogwarts. Hermione had Nina around the waist, while I held Elvira. I hadn't been to Hogsmeade in such a long time. I can only imagine what people will say when they see me there. Probably have the same reaction that the witches and wizards at Diagon Alley had.  
  
Hogwarts had not changed any since I last looked upon it. I felt like I was just returning to the school after fifth year had ended. It was as if no time at all had past on the stones of the school; that only I had aged four years. Twenty now, and I'm just returning to the school I had loved with a passion. The Quidditch Pitch stood off in the distance, and I could still feel the wind in my face from the last time I played against Slytherin. I was petrified to return, and I knew that I had to.  
  
"Come on," Hermione said. Taking my hand in hers, she led me to Hogwarts. Either she knew that I was afraid to return, or she knew that somewhere, deep down inside, I was more worried about seeing Albus than actually seeing the school. It was probably a little of both. There was apprehension on my face as we stood outside of Albus' gargoyle. 


	4. Mexican Troubles

Hogwarts had always been eerie when the term let out, today was no exception. It was scary standing there in front of the gargoyle that would lead into the Headmaster's office. Even when the gargoyle jumped out of the way, revealing the staircase up, I jumped afraid. I wasn't normally that bad; I mean, I've spent 9 years at the school, whether as a student or as a Professor, and yet there were still things here that had me jumpy. I guess it was too much to ask to be calm and relaxed. Like the way Nina looked.  
  
Harry on the other hand. I wish I could do something to help him. Seeing him standing there, staring at the stairs that headed to the one place I knew he didn't want to go, pulled at my heartstrings. I had never liked seeing him like this, I hated it when I was younger, and I hate it now. He looked at me with worry filled emerald eyes, as we smiled at each other. It was a mutual agreement that we would both do this together. I was going to let him down, and he knew I wasn't going to leave him, like he wasn't going to leave me again.  
  
Something about today was off. Something pulled at the back of my mind, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was only when we entered Albus' office that I knew exactly what was wrong. Ron wasn't there. It wasn't fair that I knew Harry had been back, and Ron had not a clue. I would write him as soon as this meeting was over. I wrote a silent reminder in my head and looked over at Albus who was standing near the window. He had not turned to greet us upon our entering.  
  
"Headmaster," I said tightening my grasp on Harry's sweaty hand. Still he didn't turn around. I dropped my hand from Harry's when I turned to look over to Fawke's perch. Ginny Weasley stood there. "Ginny?"  
  
"So you have returned," she said harshly to Harry, ignoring my comment. This was between them now; I had nothing to do with this. I walked away from the two and stood next to Albus, both of us now watching them.  
  
"I-I am back," Harry finally said as he looked over at us. I said nothing. I couldn't even bring my eyes to meet his. This was one battle I couldn't stand beside him on. This one he had to get himself out of.  
  
"I hate you! Because of you my brother is dead!" Ginny screamed at him, tears running down her cheeks now. I could see the pain etched on her face; I could hear it in her voice as she sobbed. "He ran off into battle and died because he had to do what you refused to!"  
  
"I can't even ask for your forgiveness. Had I have been here, I would have done something to help Ron." How Harry had figured out it was Ron, I hadn't figured out. Nor had I taken notice to the tears that were falling from my own eyes. I had said no more tears; no more loosing of friends, and now one of my best friends was dead.  
  
"I am back though, and I plan on making things right as much as I can."  
  
"Pap." Elvira wrapped her arms around Harry's neck as I walked over to take her from her father's arms.  
  
"Come on Elvira, we'll go sit by the fire and let Harry talk to nice people." She smiled at me as I took her over to the fire and transfigured a few of the books set there into small toys for her to play with. At least then I could pay attention to what was going on with Harry. "Ginny, who found Ron?" Harry questioned. I had never seen him look like that before. His eyebrows were arched, and his lips formed a thin line on his face. He looked almost like he was trying to figure something out.  
  
"I DID!" she screamed back at him, and I knew what she was going through. Oh, I knew well what she was going through. I had lost Harry, and then my parents, and now Ron. I knew death all too well now. It was something I held now in common with Harry, though he didn't know it.  
  
"I need you to tell me exactly what he looked like? Do you know if it was the Killing Curse?" There was a panicked tone to his voice now, like - like something horrible had happened and he wasn't give up the information just yet. All I could think of was that this had something to do with Maria.  
  
"I don't- I don't know if was the Killing Curse. We were taught about it in school, but this didn't look like the effects of the killing curse. His body was maimed, his face twisted in terror, and his eyes were filled with an eternal blackness. There was no white left. It was as if his pupils had taken over." Ginny sobbed as Harry took her into his arms. Trying to comfort her as much as he could. I looked to Albus who seemed to be trying to work something out as much as Harry was.  
  
"I came back because the same thing happened to my wife. There is something out there far worse than Voldemort. It kills with no curse that I can find. My house stood on a void of nothingness when they were finished. Elvira was with Nina when it happened. Everyone in the house was killed. We were lucky not to be, But Maria had not been well that morning and stayed home. I returned to find Elvira curled around her mother's body screaming," Harry explained, as he had to me the night before. I knew it was hard for him, and I knew it was something he didn't want to talk about, but it was something we needed to know about. "If this new threat joins with Voldemort..."  
  
"I don't even want to think about it," I muttered as they all looked at me. "Sorry, I don't want to loose any more people I care about."  
  
"Nor do I," Ginny stated, turning her attention to Albus as Harry and I had. "What do we do now?"  
  
"We call an Order Meeting," Albus replied softly, looking at Harry and then to the child. "How many know you have a daughter?"  
  
"Anyone who saw us at Diagon Alley earlier. You don't think they'll try and take her from me?" I knew then and there, Harry wasn't going to back down from any fight that came his way. He was going to keep his daughter safe and there wasn't anything that was going to step in his way.  
  
"Enough to have at least one Death Eater know you are back and inform Voldemort that you have a child with you," Albus replied, as we took to leaving his office. Where we were going I wasn't too sure. I hadn't been to an Order meeting in a few months, and since Sirius'...well, I knew they changed their base a few times. I would have to wait until we got wherever we were going. All I knew was there was a Port Key in my hands. 


	5. The Order of the Phoenix Meeting

We had taken the Portkey that Albus had given us to a dungy looking building. The brinks were black with age, and the door looked like it was going to fall off its hinges. Windows were broken, and glass lay around the base of the house. The earth around the house was parched and brown from lack of watering. There was not a sign of life inside or out of the house. To me, it seems too convenient, to open. Even Grimmwauld Place had been concealed in magic, but this looked as if muggles had abandoned it a century ago. Maybe that's why Albus had chosen it as a place for the meetings, but either way, it still seemed more dangerous having the Order Meetings here rather than somewhere else.  
  
Hermione and I had made a stop prior to taking the Portkey. We were both worried about the safety of Elvira and Nina, and so we set them up in Hermione's flat in London, hoping to keep them safe until we could return. I know that Nina will keep Elvira as safe as she can for a squib, but I was still worried. If a Death Eater had truly seen us in Diagon Alley, then my daughter was definitely in trouble. Though it was probably wise for me to take her and go into hiding as my parents had once done, I some how don't see that helping any. It didn't help my parents stay alive. My parents had used a Secret Keeper in hopes that they would be safe, but there was no guarantee that a Secret Keeper would be my best option. I had spent four years hiding, I wasn't about to spend anymore time hiding. I had a job to do, and that was protecting Elvira from harm; hiding from it wouldn't do anything.  
  
Stopping, I looked at Hermione, and then to the building. It was different going to see Albus, and finding Ginny there, but I knew that inside that building I would face a number of my peers, and worse – the rest of the Weasley family. Seeing all of the Weasleys in one place at the same time had scared me half to death. It was worse than getting on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, or even trying to figure out what the Sorting Ceremony held. This was – terrifying. This was actually facing what I had done four years ago. What's worse is I knew Snape was going to be there, and I know he would have read or heard my last journal entry. I might have hated the man, but I still held a certain level of respect for him. Then there was facing Remus. When we should have been there for one another, I left. I hid away from the British Wizarding world.  
  
Suddenly, I felt ashamed of my choice to leave. At the time, it was the only thing I could think of; and in a way it helped me become the man I am today. If it wasn't for finding a place where I could just be normal, I think my life would have had a different outcome. Finding out about the prophecy had only been part of the problem. Add that to losing my parents, Cedric, Sirius; living with the Dursleys, and it was enough to drive one to the brink of insanity. I knew, then, that I needed to get away from life as 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' and find the real Harry Potter.  
  
Mexico had helped me do just that. Alone, in a culture that knew nothing of Voldemort, or me for that matter, gave me a chance at being normal. There, they saw me as a young boy, forced to leave his home for unknown circumstances. Maria was the first person to find out anything about my life back at Hogwarts, or the Wizarding world. I could still remember the look on her face when she found out. Horror, replaced by shock, soon faded to love. I knew she didn't want to believe it. That, that Harry Potter could not have been the Harry Potter she had fallen in love with. Even when she finally accepted that I was this 'saviour' of the Wizarding world, there was no sympathy in her eyes, only love. She loved me for me, and if I had to go back to England, then she would have respected that choice. Best of all, she would have waited for me to return home.  
  
Now I was back. Standing here, I knew what I had to do. I had to tell the Order of the Phoenix exactly what I knew of this evil that killed Ron. Hermione, Ginny, nor Albus knew that I knew exactly what had come from Mexico. Unfortunately, I had no idea when Ron was killed, and that left me with trying to fill in the gap of when he got here. If I knew more around Ron's death, I could figure it out. If I knew if more people had died the same way that Ron and Maria had died, then I would know more about what his plans were. Most of all, I – no, we, needed to know if he would, or has, joined up with Voldemort. That Snape would have to answer – if Snape is still a spy for Dumbledore that is.  
  
Following Hermione, we entered the building. There were voices coming from a doorway in front of us. I guess people were just giving their condolences to the Weasley family, or discussing why there was a meeting called. Whatever it was, I knew that walking through that door would cause some discussion and quite possibly some yelling. To be honest, I expect to be yelled at.  
  
Walking to the door, I put my hand on the knob and slowly began to turn it when the door swung open. Ginny stood there shocked to see us standing there.  
  
"I was just coming to find you two," she said, though I could tell it was still hard for her to look at me without wanting to yell at me some more. I don't blame her. If I lost my brother because his best friend took off, I'd hate them too. I guess, in a sense, I was lucky to not know what it was like to lose a sibling. What I did know was what it was like to lose friends and parents; something that, even now, seems to have been forgotten.  
  
"We're here not Ginny," Hermione stated, as we followed Ginny into the room.  
  
Everything fell quiet as the Order Members turned to start at us in the doorway. Obviously no one had told them that I had returned; which was good. I didn't want the whole world knowing I had come back. In time, it would be in the Daily Prophet, and then I would have to deal with that. Until then, I would deal with the mix of emotions that were plastered on the faces of those who stood before me.  
  
Before anyone could say anything, Albus appeared and motioned for everyone to take a seat. We joined the table, me beside Hermione and Mr. Weasley. That terrified feeling I had before coming inside had grown and now was making me sick to my stomach.  
  
"Welcome," Albus began, and we all sat waiting to hear what he was going to say, "as you are all very aware, more of our members are being tortured and killed. The problem that we have now, is finding the Dark Wizard who is doing this to them. A number of us have found the bodies of loved ones and friends twisted and mangled. We know this is different than the typical killings that Voldemort does." He turned his attention to Severus Snape, who was sitting a few seats down from him and a few seats up and across from me. "Severus, is there anything you can tell us?"  
  
"This is definitely not the Dark Lord," Severus replied simply, and said nothing further. Obviously, I was the only one that knew what was going on.  
  
"That's because this guy is not from around here. In fact, no one that comes across him survive," I began. I was certain that some people wouldn't want to hear from me, and I knew it wasn't my turn to talk, but I knew more about this guy than anyone else did, and I should have the chance to tell them without having to wait while they speculated at it. "He was believed to be one of the Aztec Gods. He was locked away in a sacred vase hidden in a Temple that his priests had built. Five months before my wife's death, we took the fifth year students on a field trip to the Temple.  
  
"While we were there one of the students stumbled upon a chamber that wasn't on the tour. Maria followed him into the room; it resulted in the release of this 'Aztec God'. Anyone who had been in the room that day ended up dead five months later, Maria being one of them.  
  
"Now we've done research on him. His name is Tezcatlipoca, and what his motives are, we haven't yet found out. What we do know is that he will leave his victims mutilated, twisted in horror. The most distinctive feature is what comes of the victims' eyes. The pupil expands and takes over. One of the investigators into Maria's death had described it as being able to see twilight in the eyes of the dead.  
  
"When I returned to London, I had not imagined that Tezcatlipoca had followed me here. It wasn't until this morning, when I learned of Ron's death, that I had found out he was here." I finished up my story and waited to figure out what we were going to do about him. Even I didn't know how to kill Tezcatlipoca, especially if he was a God, like the legends in the Temple had stated. I trusted Albus to figure out what was going to happen and how we would go about killing him.  
  
"Your wife released this thing onto the world?" Minerva questioned sharply. I didn't blame her for her reaction. In fact, if it had been I, then I would have joined Maria's fate.  
  
"Things happen that we cannot control. Maria had no idea that when she followed Antonio into that chamber an evil far older than Voldemort would be released. You cannot blame Maria for the hand that fate dealt her. If you blame anyone, blame me. I was the one that arranged the trip." I know becoming defensive wasn't going to help the situation any, and, in the end, it would result in my getting angry. I just couldn't help it. Maria was my love, and I wouldn't have anyone blaming her for something we could not have controlled.  
  
"If you had not have been in Mexico none of this would have happened!" Ginny yelled at me. I knew she was still angry with the fact that Ron had died trying to be brave. I knew she hated me because I left, and, in doing so, forced Ron to make a choice that ended his life.  
  
"We all make choices in our life Ginny. I chose to leave London and try and make sense of my life. If, in the process, an evil far worse than we have seen was released, then that is what fate had in store for us. If I had of stayed, then who knows what would have happened. But we are not here to discuss my leaving, nor Ron's death." I turned to look to Albus. "What do you think we should do?" 


End file.
